Doom Detox, Day 6

It´s easy to be mindful. What´s hard is REMEMBERING to be mindful. Here´s a trick for that.

Welcome to Day 6: Cue.

This one saved my life.

You see, when I was 15, I was in a devastating car accident in which the driver and the three other passengers were killed instantly.

I was uninjured.

At the time (and this was in 1975, long before it was commonly recognized the such an experience might require therapy), both the police and my parents insisted that it would be best for me if I never mentioned it to anyone. Since the accident happened while I was visiting a friend 25 miles away, it seemed to make sense. Why bring it up to those who had no idea I had been in that car?

They made me promise. And I did not tell a single person—not my best friends, not even my siblings—for years.

You can guess how that went.

Fortunately, someone recognized my suffering and tried to teach me to meditate. But the last thing I needed was more time sitting in silence with suicidal thoughts.

Still, I liked the feeling of being mindful.

So, I made up a game of catching myself in the act of paying attention. I picked cues related to things I loved: petting my cat, hearing my favorite birdsong, catching the scent of the hay in the fields, seeing a purple flower.

I played this mindfulness game all day long. I got good at it. And it saved me.

Here´s how you can use a version of that yourself:

Lisa is a former county administrator from the U.S. She and her children were targeted by a local citizen who was angry about his taxes. This man began stalking her and her daughters. She got a restraining order, but he continued to lurk within sight.

As a widow who was overwhelmed by her fear for the safety of her bi-racial children, she chose to make a big change: moving her family to France, where they now live with her aunt.

Here´s what she shared with me recently about using cues:

¨Oh, I definitely use the cues to remember to pay attention. They really helped me when we were back in the States and I was so stressed about everything. The cues allowed me to pause and take a breath, breaking the spell of anxiety for just a moment. I really needed that!

My new cues here help me in a different way. It is never about noticing my fear or anger these days. Now, I notice myself feeling grateful throughout the day, because I am in a constant state of seeing things I love about being here!

The cues remind me of how far I have come, in so many ways.. And that says it all, doesn´t it?¨

It does say a lot, but if you want to hear about how she left the U.S. with her three young daughters to start a whole new life in France (within 30 days from idea to flight!), read her story HERE

Choose your cues, and notice when you notice them. Scan your mind and body to see how you´re feeling, and actively release stress using one of the techniques I have shared with you in previous videos!

That´s it for today. Thank you for being here.

Watch the next (last!) video in the series HERE

P.S. People have all kinds of reasons to consider leaving where they live. And things can change quickly once a decision is made.

If you´re thinking about a big move, and want to make sure you are looking at all sides of the decision, I would be happy to help. (This is something I started doing back in 2007 after moving abroad with my family. I later wrote a book and spend years helping families consider living, studying, and working abroad.)

Learn more about my 1-hour Present Focus session and other options HERE: